Saturday, 24 November 2012

Breaking the Silence

It's been a while since I posted, and a lot has happened. I have called this post "Breaking the Silence" taken from the name of the make-up by Madrid Solo that I am wearing here. But also because it is a very apt name for this post.

Breaking the Silence
 Just after my last post I attempted suicide. Not because I am selfish and weak, but because as a sufferer of a degenerative disease that will eventually see me placed into care I had had enough.
I know there are many in SL that are in similar situations...having life-threatening, or degenerative diseases. Many of us alone and isolated in real life because of that disease, reliant on SL and the people in SL for our social and emotional support.

In my particular situation, I am the sole carer of an adult son with Aspergers, who can be very difficult to deal with at times, and is not a lot of support for me. I am not close to my family who do not know how to deal with my illness, so prefer not to deal with me at all. Nor do I have many real life friends...much for the same reason. My day is spent mostly sitting on my bed at my computer, or napping when I get too exhausted.

The crunch for me came after my mother's birthday when the whole family (including my brother's mother-in-law) gathered together for lunch. What should have been a fun day out, turned out to be me sitting staring at the back of the house silent while everyone else there talked about their lunches/dinners/outings together. Not once had anyone thought to invite me along on any of these, and the explanation I got was "well you are cripple, thought it would be too difficult for you". As if they were being considerate and doing me a favour!

 I came home in silence, and began to mourn for the life I used to have, and the loss of everything that had been important to me. And I decided that I had had enough loss, and didn't wish to wait to go downhill further. So I took tablets. They made me sick enough to have to go in hospital for 2 days, but as you can see they did not kill me. And now I am left with very damaged lining of my stomach making it even harder to eat than it was beforehand. In time that will heal though.

 So I break my silence to tell my story, to say you are not alone out there. And even seemingly very strong people like me can break at some point.

What I am Wearing:-
Pants Suit - D I R A M "Kylie suit"
Skin - Aeva "Myth ~ Onyx // Bare // Mid Cleavage" available at "The Wash"  10L$
Make-up - Madrid Solo "October Series- Silence"

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